


Archangels: The Reailty TV Version

by Fandom_girl21



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adam Milligan is alive and well., Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angsty Lucifer, Crack, Destiel makes an appearance, F/M, Fluff, Gen, God has a wife and she's the cause of everything!, God's A+ Parenting, M/M, Protective Raphael, Reality TV, Selfless Michael, Sugar high Gabriel, bitchy Raphael, crack! So much crack. :), uptight Michael
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 15:39:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4065355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_girl21/pseuds/Fandom_girl21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU featuring everyone's favorite dysfunctional heavenly host.</p><p>Or the reality TV fanfic no one asked for. Please R&R! Thanks! This is my first fanfic on this site, so any suggestions or critiques are welcome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dysfunction Thy Name Is Heaven

Cue: theme music, title card.

Open to backyard where Michael and Lucifer had just had their most recent explosive fight. 

Cut to zoom of Raphael's face as he rolls his eyes and goes back to staring at his phone. (He's standing against the tree trunk).

Raphael Interview: "I honestly don't care anymore. I just want this whole thing to end. It's just really a nuisance at this point.

Camera cuts to zoom of Gabriel who's lounging on a deck chair. He's sucking on a lollipop watching something on his phone. 

Camera zooms in further and sees a small tear on his face.

Gabriel Interview: "I love my brothers but I can't take it. The apocalypse is averted and we're all together. Shouldn't that be enough? Why do they have to have the same argument again. What does this solve?"

~commercial break~

Title card. Theme music.

Opening on Lucifer interview first.

"Look, Michael needs to understand two basic concepts. 1, did not make dad leave, he's God. If he wants to leave he'll leave. 2, if free-will isn't real then I was destined to fall to begin with. Why would I chose this? Why would I chose to have the hatred of our brothers? But if free-will is real then fate can change, I can change. Michael needs to see that either way, you can change. That he can make his own decisions."

Cut to Michael's interview:

"Lucifer is being a child. He will not take responsibility for his actions. After what he did in the garden and to Gadreel (Michael chokes slightly on the name.) Father left. He left because of his actions and for him to dare suggest otherwise is not only wrong it is dangerously blasphemous. As for the matter of free-will, it is a lie, not real. Everything is destined. If I must hurt the devil for him to see that, then I will. I will do anything to bring Father back for I am the good son."

Camera cuts to the next day, morning. Raphael is downstairs in the dining room eating breakfast while reading the paper. Lucifer enters the room.

Lucifer's eyes wander to Raphael while he gets cereal and milk. Sitting down he clears his throat. Raphael doesn't acknowledge him. 

Lucifer: "Hey Raphi. So any plans for today?" (Sounding awkward and unsure)

Raphael inches the paper down just so his eyes are visible. He stares at Lucifer and lifts an eyebrow.

Raphael: "Why? Are you planning on winding up in the emergency room again? Should I have a bed permanently ready for you?" (He drawls)

Raphael's mouth curves in a sadistic smile as Lucifer flinches away. Lucifer sighs and eats the rest of his food in silence. 

Lucifer interview: "I know why Raphael is pushing me away. I hurt him, I destroyed his trust. Even so, I miss how he used to be. Did you know he used to sing every morning? Yeah, he'd create little songs during the night, and sing it for us. He would then take the best ones and give them to Sandalphon to incorporate into heaven's choir. He's really good. He had a knack for uplifting little ditties. "I just hope that part of him hasn't gone away, hasn't been destroyed by Michael and I." 

Raphael interview: "Who does Lucifer think he is? Trying to pretend that the last 2 million years haven't happened. I will never forget the sight seeing him fall and watching as my brothers and sisters died in a useless war. So many died, so few I could save. I will never forgive the feeling when I saw Azazel fall with him. Not only did Lucifer shatter our family that day, he also took the one person who I would escape too when everything got to be too much. How do you ever forgive or forget any of that? How do you eve move on? "Please tell me, how do you move on? I need to move on, or else I'll be eaten alive. Please... Tell me... Please help m-" (we cut off then because he looked up at the camera then. And we don't want to be sued).


	2. Michael Tries Comedy & Raphael Is A Dick

Michael:

Vessel Age: 26  
Occupation: Lawyer (works in dad's company)

Lucifer:

Vessel Age: 25  
Occupation: Owner of Lux (nightclub)

Raphael: 

Vessel Age: 24  
Occupation: Head ER Doctor @ Elysium Hospital 

Gabriel:

Vessel Age: 23  
Occupation: Actor, part time teacher.

Theme song. Title card. Opens to Lucifer's nightclub.

Camera zooms on Raphael at the bar downing a shot, he's staring at the stage, where Lucifer and Michael are in a discussion.

Raphael Interview: "Who ever's idea was to get Michael on the stage to do standup comedy I owe a kiss and hug - I haven't laughed like that in so long." (cracks a smile at the camera, leans back in his chair. He looks relaxed) "I'm mean the jokes weren't good, they were terrible which is why they were hilarious."

Cut to Michael on the stage microphone in hand, he appears confident. 

"What do you call people from Sodom and Gomorrah? Sodomites!" 

The crowd is silent, and just staring. Camera zooms on Lucifer who isn't watching the performance. He's watching Raphael at the bar almost cry with laughter. He cracks a smile at him, though Raphael didn't see it.

Lucifer Interview: "What did you expect? That I'm heartless? I am after all angel, and it's so good to hear him laugh again. He doesn't know it was my idea. For all he knows I was trying to save Michael from making a fool of himself. I mean yeah I embarrassed Michael at the expense of getting to see Raphael laugh. I'd say it was a win-win." 

Cut to the next morning. Gabriel is in the kitchen, working on cooking his breakfast.

Raphael walks in, he eyes Kali. Turing to Gabriel he says,

"Why is there a pagan in our kitchen?"

Gabriel rolls his eyes, and looks at Raphael over the sandwich he's almost done making.

"She's not a pagan. Her name is Kali and she's my girlfriend, so back off Raphael."

Kali smirks at Gabriel's tone. She loves a guy who can be in control, though he wasn't there yet. He was getting better at controlling her. It turned her on so badly. 

Raphael leaned against the kitchen sink, his arms crossed. He stares at Kali.

"Girlfriend? No offense Gabriel but when your girlfriend calls you for sex and decides where you go to eat, she's not your girlfriend, your just her boy toy. 

Gabriel's eyes flash and he wishes for third time this morning he had his powers back. 

Kali leans against the counter, a Cheshire smile on her face. She doesn't look at Gabriel. Her attention is on Raphael.

Raphael leans away from the sink and pulls out his business card. 

"When your ready for an actual boyfriend call me."

He gives her the card and walks away, skimming his fingers up her arm and on her waist as he passes. He's out the door before Gabriel can process what just happened.

Raphael Interview: (just smirks at the camera for a good 5 minutes.)

Gabriel Interview: "What the fuck? Why did Raphael have to do that? What the hell gives. I never did anything to him! Jesus. See this is how you know someone's an asshole and just not antisocial with a chip on his shoulder. (he points at the camera and glares)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh! Shit is about to go down! And protective Lucifer is perfect <3
> 
>  
> 
> As always suggestions are welcome!! :)


	3. Raphael Cries & Azazel Makes His Debut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't mean this to make this so long, oh well. More crack for you guys to read, so have fun! ;)

Next day:

~Theme music. Title card.~

Opens on Gabriel drinking coffee at the dinning table. Kali enters the room scantily clad in a oversize Doctor Who shirt and not much else.

Gabriel almost chocks on his coffee. Kali flashes him an apologetic smile.

"I thought you'd be gone by now." She looks at the clock, it's half passed 10.

"So you planned this? Staying over at my house, and not in my bed?!"

Gabriel had shot up and was standing and glaring at her.

Raphael entered the room, in sweatpants and a black tank top - considering he's off today. He's rubbing his temples.

"Gabriel stop shouting. Your giving me a headache."

Gabriel turns to him, he looks a mixture of devastated and furious.

"Tell me you were drunk. Tell me you didn't intentionally try to sabotage my relationship."

Raphael lowers his hands and crosses his arms. A smirk on his face, he doesn't say anything.

Gabriel howls with anger and lunges at Raphael, punching him in the face as Michael and Lucifer walk into the room, wide eyed and shocked.

Raphael is on the floor and holding his nose. He looks up at Gabriel, anger in his eyes. He doesn't dare move, for he knew Michael and Lucifer might stop them.

Michael sees Kali. His mouth curls in a sneer and he glares at her - like it was all her fault.

Michael swiftly walks toward the kitchen side door which led to the backyard. He opens it.

"Why? What the hell did I ever do to you!"

Gabriel shouts at Raphael, who had stood up and was glaring at him.

Suddenly all Raphael sees so red, his eyes flash.

"YOU LEFT ME! You left me alone in heaven. You abandoned me when I needed to, all because you couldn't take their arguing. How the hell did you think I felt about their arguing? You think I liked it! You left me and hid like the coward you are."

The patio door closes. Michael had heard every word and for once he didn't pretend it didn't bother him.

"Michael." Lucifer whispers as he leaves. Leaving this mess to him.

Lucifer looked at the scene. Raphael is on the floor hugging his knees. Gabriel reaches his hand toward him, but decided against it and instead pulls Kali and walks out the door amidst her loud protests.

The camera snaps to Lucifer who is crouching on the floor in front of Raphael.

"Raphael,-"

"Don't. Look I don't want to hear about how Michael is angry about some pagan. I honestly don't care anymore. And I don't want to hear how you think we're superior to pagans, demons, and humans. Because Helel I don't give a fuck."

Lucifer flinches at the sound of his angelic name. He sighs and sits cross legged in front of Raphael.

"I wasn't going to say any of that. I don't think that's why Michael walked away either. He heard what you said Raphael, he heard you and he didn't know how to react. I'd imagine he would feel at fault for you feeling like that."

Raphael looks up from his knees to see Lucifer. He stares at him for a few minutes. There are tear stains running down his face. He finally lets Lucifer pull him into an embrace and hold him as he breaks down in sobs.

~Cut to commercial break.~

Gabriel interview: "Look while I'm saddened by Raphael it doesn't excuse what he did. Just because I left doesn't give him the right to ruin my life now."

Cut to Lucifer walking out to Michael. Who is leaning against the tree in the yard, twiddling with his phone. He glances up as Lucifer walks toward him.

"How- how is Raphael?"

"Honestly? He's hurt and angry. He's resting now, I convinced him to hate watch Scrubs."

Micheal raised an eyebrow, not understanding the reference and importance. Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"It's this medical comedy Gabriel loves, it's inaccurate and exaggerated. Raphael was laughing at how terrible it was."

Michael smiles then but it's strained.

"He needs a girlfriend or Azazel." Lucifer muses. Looking around at the garden. Knowing Michael wouldn't like the idea.

"Does Azazel even feel the same way for him anymore?"

Lucifer looks back at him surprised.

"I don't know. Why?"

Michael smiled as if indulging a child.

"Look I don't like the idea. But if father made him human as he claimed he did with all angels and all fallen angels then I don't see how it's bad. He's just a human who made bad decisions. And if... If he can bring Raphael back to us, the better. I miss him."

Lucifer smiled and reached over to squeeze Michael's hand.

"I'll call him."

The phone rings. It's on speaker. Azazel answers.

"Father?" He says with a slight mock. Being human had cleared of his twisted faith in Lucifer - he still loved him but didn't think of him as perfect.

"Azazel I'll get straight to the point. Do you still love Raphael?"

Silence. For long enough we considered cutting to commercial break, then finally:

"Yes. Yes I do. I mean it's been so long, but being human made that feel come back. Why?"

"We need your help. Raphael is dangerously close to going off the rails." Michael interjects.

Azazel 's voice changes, filling with contempt and barely concealed malice.

"Michael I'll save him. But you need to do something for me. Admit that love between angels is not sin. I would do it soon, because the way your talking about Raphael seems to suggest that you don't have much time."

Michael interview: "Did I mention I loathe Azazel? But if it will help Raphael even a little I have to, don't I? Even if it means that I give Lucifer the best leverage to destroy me?"


	4. Micheal's Secret Is Revealed

*Theme music. Title card.*  
That same day, night.

Lucifer watched as Michael paced. He leaned against the island in the kitchen. A small smirk adorned his features as he crossed his arms.

Lucifer Interview: "It's been a full 8hrs since Azazel's phone call, and I think Michael is slowly losing his mind. Azazel wants him to admit he loved an angel, I don't see how admitting that is enough to break the world as Azazel and Michael think it will. But then again, Azazel wouldn't have asked Michael to do something if he didn't think it would hurt him, so now we wait... Oh god I need a drink."

Camera cuts to the front door, which is starting to turn with a lock. Michael, Lucifer both stand up straighter and make their way to the door. Raphael comes out of his room, his hair neat and wearing a form fitting button down with jeans.

Gabriel emerges at the top of stairs, his hand on the banister but he doesn't come down.

They all know only one person who had a key to the house - Father.

The camera zooms on the door as Chuck comes through the door Castiel, Dean, Sam & Adam trailing behind him.

Chuck gestures to the house and announces to the Winchesters

"Make yourself at home! This is your home as well! Think of it as a thank you and an apology for all I put you through."

Dean saw the cameras, he winked and made a slow circle in the atrium. He gave a low whistle.

"Sammy, I think we found paradise." 

Sam grinned but his smile faltered when he saw Lucifer watching them. 

"Don't worry Sam, Lucifer won't bother you. Will you Lucifer?"

Chuck asked, his eyes trained on Lucifer. Lucifer clenched his hands but didn't react. He closed his eyes for a few seconds. Opening them he curtly nodded.

Chuck smiled and made a motion to hug him.

Lucifer stepped back so fast he banged into the table.

Chuck sighed. He turned to Michael.

"Your doing fine my little prince. Don't doubt your own abilities." He kissed Michael on the forehead and vanished.

Raphael flashed Lucifer a smile and went to close his door. Gabriel bounded down the stairs and attacked Sam and Castiel in a hug.

Speaking to Castiel he told him,

"You know Balthie is coming over soon. He'll be excited to see you."

Castiel smiled. Raphael interjected then, his voice soft.

"Balthazar likes Naomi." Castiel and Gabriel looked at him in surprised. Raphael closed his door and comes toward them. He smiled, his hand coming and caressing Castiel's cheek. Effectively telling him he was forgiven. 

Castiel closed his eyes and leaned into his older brother's touch.

Sam looked uncomfortable. Dean looked angry. Gabriel crossed his arms. 

"Well? Don't leave us hanging what does Naomi think of Balthie?

Raphael pulled his hand away, he gave Gabriel a smile. Gabriel's eyes widened, and he stomped away. Raphael burst laughing, while Castiel looked on in confusion.

"Did something happened between you and Gabriel?"

"Yeah, I slept with Kali. And gave the time of her life. Hell, I probably was better than Gabriel. If her calling me insistently is any indication."

Sam's eyes widened. While Dean gave Raphael a high five.

Sam shook his head. "Why did you do it? He loves her."

"He left me. He broke my heart. I wanted to get back at him. The best was to the taint thing he loves."

Raphael shrugged though eyes glint manically.

"So did Michael confess? Or should I disappear?"

Raphael swiftly turned at the voice. Dean and Sam taking a collectively back in shock.

Lucifer leaned against the table, his face turned to focus on the man who stood next to him leaning his hip against the table.

"Azazel." Raphael whispered.

Azazel turned to give a scathing retort but instead ran towards Raphael , catching his as he fell forward. 

Michael comes into the kitchen. Eating a cookie. He catches Lucifer's eye. He takes a deep, shaky breath and speaks.

"Yes, I've loved another angel."

"Say who." Azazel demands from the floor.

"Gadreel." Michael whispers.

Lucifer stumbles back, toward the wall. His eyes are wide and his breathing is ragged. 

Gabriel's face becomes bleak. Dean and Sam look confused.

"Lucifer tricked Gadreel to hurt father. He never dreamed he would hurt Michael. As far as he saw Gadreel wasn't good enough for Michael. Everyone knew Gadreel loved Michael, we all assumed Michael was dense."

Gabriel staged whispered to the Winchesters, earning a glare from Lucifer.

Lucifer interview: "Oh, I see. The only world it is breaking is mine. (Short pause. Lucifer yanks the mice off. Putting his head in his hands he starts to sob) "What have I done to Prince?" 

He whispers quietly.


	5. Gadreel Appears & Lucifer has A Wife?

Theme music, title card.

Next day, Lucifer is at a park, lounging at park bench. Only his fidgeting of his ring is any indication of his real state of mind.

He pulls himself together and waves his arm to get a passing jogger's attention.

The jogger stops, he pulls his earbuds out and takes a sip from his water bottle. 

Turning his blue eyes narrow, his jaw tightens.

"Lucifer, to what do I owe this interruption?"

"Gadreel, I didn't know Michael felt the same way. I did it to hurt Father, not him."

Gadreel crossed his arms and started to walk away. Lucifer jumped up and ran after him.

"He feels terrible - Michael I mean. Look I'm sorry, truly you always were nice. And I can't lose him again, please. Please at least come and talk to him."

Gadreel kept walking,

"It won't change anything."

"You mean what I did? Look, I'll let you do what you want to me, seriously. You can even hold me down and cut me. Just come and see him."

Gadreel shook his head, a sad smile on his face. He stopped and turned to Lucifer.

"No, you don't understand. It won't change what he did to me. He threw me in jail, let me get tortured for thousands of years. He never forgave me for letting you in the garden. Michael always blamed me, but I was tricked it's not like I purposefully let you in. I finally have the respect of our brothers and sisters, I will not let your archangels use me again. So sorry Lucifer but I'm not going to see him."

Lucifer blinked, and then sighed. He looked dejected. Gadreel didn't really care, but he waited to see what he would say. 

Finally Lucifer looked up from the ground, his face was grim.

"I can't find Naamah. It's like she disappeared off the face of the earth. Father assures me that all our dead brother and sisters are alive so where is she?"

Gadreel swallowed. Naamah had been is nest mate, they had grown up together. She was one of the kindest Angels he had known, how she had ended up with Lucifer was beyond him. But he knew Lucifer was telling him for a reason, Naamah was his weakness, one of the only few people he would do anything for. If she was truly gone... Gadreel didn't dwell on the implications or consequences of that.

Instead he said,

"What do you want me to do?"


	6. Adam Asks Uncomfortable Questions

¡Theme music, title card!

The next day. Lucifer and Michael left the house early in the morning:

Camera opens on the living room. Castiel is on the couch sitting too close to Dean, who appears uncomfortable with the proximity.

Adam and Sam are sitting on the other couch, Gabriel is on the floor. They're all watching a tv show. A reality tv show.

"This is terrible. Why are you watching trash?"

Asked Raphael coming into the room, he messes with Castiel's hair as a greeting. He positivity glows at the attention. Dean looks exasperated.

"It's better than watching porn as Cass suggested we do."

Castiel bows his head in shame. Raphael glares at Dean over his head.

Before he can make a comment, the doorbell rings. Raphael goes to answer it, just as Balthazar comes down the stairs joining Azazel on the kitchen for breakfast.

Balthazar flashes Raphael a sly grin, looking at Azazel and then waggles his eyebrows at Raphael. Who rolls his eyes, while Azazel gives Balthazar a sly grin in return. 

~Outside the door~  
The camera zooms on two guys. One in hipster- esque attire complete with a bowtie, the other in jeans and a cream blazer with a blue shirt. 

"Ithuriel it'll be fine, we're human so are they the worst they can do is glare and yell. I'll protect you if something happens." Said the hipster guy.

He pulled Ithuriel into a hug and kissed him on the cheek. Ithuriel smiled and kissed him back on the lips as the door opened.

Camera cuts to Raphael as the door opens. He sees the two guys kiss and smiles. He yells over his shoulder, 

"Ithuriel and Zephon have decided to grace us with their presence."

Ithuriel blushes while Zephon simply grins and pulls Ithuriel into the house, toward the kitchen.

"Zephon!" 

"Balthazar!!"

Balthazar and Zephon tackle each other, falling to the floor, as Azazel watches in amusement. 

He looks at Ithuriel and gives him a reassuring smile.

"So when did you two get together? As I remember in heaven you both couldn't stand each other."

Ithuriel sighed, he could do this topic. He was living this topic. This was safe.

"After Gabriel ordered Zephon and I find Samael. We scoured the earth, we find Lucifer just as he was being thrust into the cage. And Sam- he saw us... And—"

Zephon came and snaked his arms around him. Ithuriel leaned into his touch, he always chocked up at this part. Zephon took over the narrative.

"Samael saw us and thought we were there to kill Luce, so he attacked us. We were both able to hold our own, but Samael cut me. Wounding me, I almost died. Raphael was my saving grace."

Azazel grinned at Raphael as he came back into the room, blushing slightly. He shook his head.

"Didn't Lucifer tell you something? It made Samael stop right?"

Zephon snapped his fingers jumping away from Ithuriel. 

"Oh yeah, He did! He said we made a good couple, that it was nice to see some of his brothers happy and in love. He asked us to promise to try to stay together. We weren't together then, but we silently promised him. He then fell into the cage. Ithuriel was shaking then, and I was slowly dying.

Samael came toward me, Ithuriel tried to push him away, but he gently took me to a nearby cave. He spoke to Ithuriel in a whisper. I still don't know what he said, Ithu won't tell me. Anyway, then Raphael came and healed me. And we heard about Gabriel running away."

Zephon cast his eyes toward Gabriel lying on the floor, he rolled his eyes.

Sam got up then and stretched. He grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl.

"So wait you guys are a couple? I thought angels don't feel emotions. Aren't you guys soldiers?"

"They were guardian angels, they were in charge with guiding humanity. They're the most human of the angles."

Said Castiel from the couch.

Ithuriel turned to Sam as Zephon went and gave Castiel a hug. Over on the other couch, Adam was showing Gabriel an iPhone game involving candy. Gabriel to say the least was intrigued.

"We were created to empathize with humanity, to understand them and help them. So yes we have emotions. We don't usually act on them, but well we did."

"You never came back home, why?"

Asked Castiel to Zephon.

"We had tasted freedom, we were alone. It was nice. And then when we heard of Gabriel we didn't see a reason to come home."

Adam looked up at Ithuriel,

"Whose Samael?" 

The Ex-Angels all tensed at the question. Finally Azazel supplied the answer.

"Think of him like Michael only more quick-tempered, and an amazing fighter. Samael was Michael's twin. He died, at least that's what we all think. No one has seen him since Lucifer was banished into the cage the first time."

"Does Michael miss him?" Asked Adam finally, almost afraid of the answer. 

"I don't know, Michael didn't talk about. Though when he went missing Michael hid for a couple of years. Losing Lucifer and Samael almost at once couldn't have been good for him."

Said Raphael coming to sit next to Azazel.

"Do you all love him?"

"He's our brother, we love him. But were terrified of him. Even Lucifer was afraid of his anger. The only who could placate him was Michael. They were a formidable team, ruling heaven with kindness and strength."

Said Gabriel.


	7. Michael Meets A Familiar Stranger

That same day, in the morning:

Michael sat in a café sipping coffee and looking out the window, as a man sat down.

"You came." Said the man.

"You called." Michael said simply.

"Lucifer and Gadreel are looking for Naamah."

"Do they have any idea of how to start their search?"

"It appears they don't. But you know who took her, right? We both do."

Michael hummed sipping his coffee.

"You should order something someone will find it suspicious if you just sit there."

The man rolled his eyes, he went and got a tall dark coffee.

Sitting back down, he raised an eyebrow at Michael indicating the coffee.

"Happy?"

"Indeed. And to your point, yes there is only one person who would take Naamah."

"Yes She always did like the girls that were strong."

"Have you seen Her since..."

"Since She left? No, I haven't seen Her. But now that Dad has appeared maybe so will She."

Michael swiftly turned the conversation. 

"Why did you run away? Why did you pretend to die?"

"I left because I didn't agree with how Father handled Lucifer's outburst. Not because I agreed with him. Lucifer was a child throwing a tantrum, instead of talking to him, Father acted rash and threw him out. How do you think that made Lucifer feel? After you abandoned him as well? I was the only one who fell with him, who protected him."

"Then you vanished. How did that make him feel?"

"I vanished because the apocalypse wasn't my idea. I love you and Lucifer. But doing it to get Father back? Really, He hates me. And when He left heaven it only proved how little He cared for you. For all of you. It tore me to pieces to see you all killing each other over an absentee father." 

"Don't Samael. Don't tarnish His reputation like that. He came back, He's teaching us a lesson. What more could you ask for?"

"To be acknowledged. To be loved! Yes He's teaching us a lesson, but if He had been this open-minded to begin with, this whole thing could be avoided."

"And by whole thing you're referring to the apocalypse?"

"Apocalypse, Lucifer falling, you being trapped in the cage, Raphael dying, Gabriel running away. She was so tiny. So innocent. She gave her opinion and she was thrown away like a ragdoll. She was the reason Raguel ended up losing it and becoming so cold. All of that."

Said Samael waving his hand as if to shoo away the awful memories. Michael sighed, rubbing his temples.

"You think I don't know that? You think I don't think about Amitiel and Raguel everyday? Especially when I see Raphael and Castiel getting along so well? You think you're the only one who doesn't feel loved by Him?"

"He cared about Lucifer enough to give him hell, to let him make his own army, to have love. He punished me by letting Gadreel get tortured, and you... He made me think you were... That you had —"

Samael waited. Michael never did liked to be comforted.

Michael took a deep breath,  
"He led me to believe you were dead. Where did you actually go?"

"Lucifer has three children, I was taking care of them. I promised Lucifer that his legacy wouldn't die."

Samael took a swig of his drink, his voice bitter.

"We both got the short stick, what makes it worse that we'd never hurt him. We love him to much to want to hurt him."

Michael smiled, 

"Yes, we do love him. We love Lucifer too much to hurt him. To want to cause him anymore pain than he has already gone through."


	8. Gabriel & Kali Have The Talk

Theme music, title card.

That afternoon Gabriel and Kali were in the backyard, talking in hushed tones. 

Gabriel Interview: "I called Kali over because I need to know where we stand. And well I want to know if there is still something here."

"Am I interrupting?" Asked Raphael coming around the house, he bent down to get a book that he had left that morning. Gabriel closed his eyes trying to keep himself from hurting Raphael again.

Raphael took the opportunity and locked eyes with Kali who nodded warily. He smiled and walked inside.

"Kali look, what are we? Call me paranoid but is there something here?"

Kali sighed, her bangles clicking as she crossed her arms. 

"I don't know. I- can we just go back to normal?"

"Like nothing happened? Like you didn't sleep with Raphael?"

"It didn't mean anything. I love you Loki."

Gabriel smiled thinly. "Just leave Kali, I can't do this. I'm sorry but I need some time to think."

"Gabe—"

"Please Kali. Don't make this anymore difficult than it has to be."

Kali rolled her eyes, huffed and walked inside, slamming the front door as she left. Gabriel leaned against the glass backdoor and closed his eyes.

Camera cuts to outside the house, Kali is walking away as Raphael runs behind her. He catches her arm. She wrenches it away, and glares at him.

"Did he believe you?" 

"Yes. He did."

"Look, I know my brother. He needs family. He might love you, but he needs to be strong if he's going to be your equal. Trust me."

"Raphael I am trusting you. I'm trusting that you won't break him. What I said was true, but so was what I didn't say, that I didn't sleep with you. That we planned this, that I want to spend every waking moment with him."

Kali suddenly pulled him into a kiss, passionate and long. Raphael was too shocked to pull away. She let go, winked, and walked away waving over her shoulder.

Camera cuts to Azazel who had seen the whole thing, he looks livid. He storms into the house. Camera then pans to Raphael who looks stunned, but shakes his head and goes inside.

Kali interview: "Raphael took the man I love from me. So I'm going to take the man he loves from him. No one controls me. Look out Angels, cuz Kali is back with a vengeance."

~commercial break~

"Azazel listen! Please it didn't mean anything." 

"Oh shut up Raphael. Don't lie! I saw you kiss her. Do you really think I'll stand by and watch you cheat on me with a pagan? A pagan for God's sake!"

"What is going on?" Asked Gabriel coming into the room. 

"Raphael is cheating on me with a pagan."

"No I'm not."

"He's lying, he totally is. He slept with her a few days ago just to piss me off."

Raphael glared at Gabriel who smirked. Azazel yelled with a rage, and walked out of the house.

Zephon ran after him, while Ithuriel led Raphael into the kitchen and made him some tea and tried to get him to talk. Gabriel went to find Sam to see if he wanted to do anything.


	9. Lucifer Swallows His Pride

Theme music, title card.

That same afternoon. Lucifer sat with Gadreel in a library, they had been sitting pouring over books for a while now. Lucifer threw his hands up in frustration, he pushed away from the table and started to pace.

"What's wrong brother, not into reading?" Asked Gadreel with mock innocence.

"It's not that. There is nothing here that will help us! I can't believe I haven't asked sooner."

"Asked what sooner?"

"Help from the god loving Winchesters."

"How are you going to do that? They'll never help you or me."

"No, but they can't resist a case."

Lucifer opened his phone and rang up Sam.

"Hey Sam. Look just listen I have a case for you. Angels are going missing. I know who the first one to go missing was, Naamah. Father told me that all the ones that died are alive and human. But I can't seem to find her anywhere. She's not the only one, so is Sophia and -" 

Lucifer hesitated at the next name, it was technically true this angel was missing, but more probably because she didn't want to be found than because she was kidnapped.

Still Lucifer wanted Naamah found, and as well as his sister, so he might as kill two demons with one angel blade and say she was missing as well.

Amitiel". Gadreel looked up in shock, Lucifer gave him a gleeful smile as Sam responded that they'll look into it.

"Now what?" Gadreel asked as Lucifer plopped down.

"Now we wait for them to come like bees to honey."


	10. Adam Calls Michael Out On His Bullshit

Theme music, title card:

That night, Michael came home to quiet. Only Adam sat waiting for him at the kitchen table.

Adam looked up from the book he was reading. 

"Where is everyone?"

"Lucifer has been out all day. Ithuriel and Zephon took Raphael and Azazel on some couples weekend. Sam and Dean went out on a hunt, and Gabriel went to see a movie."

"And you? Why didn't you go with any of them?" 

Asked Michael sinking into the seat on his right.

"I waited for you."

Michael sighed, 

"Why?"

"Michael, you know why. You keep avoiding me."

"Adam, we've been over this. We can't do this, I can't give you what you want."

"Why? Your human, so am I."

"For now, but when I become an angel? I'll have to watch you die."

"Then I'll go to heaven, and you'll see me there. As a soul, or whatever I'd be."

"It doesn't work that way, I'll have other duties to do. I can't spend all my time with you. I can't do it."

"Stop fucking around Michael. I need a real reason, not some bullshit excuse."

"I can't let someone else in again, okay! The last time I did, he got thrown in jail, and he now probably hates me. I'm not good for people, everyone I love gets hurt. I can't let that happen to you."

Michael and Adam were standing now, breathing heavily at each other. When there was a knock on the front door.

They both turned at the sound, Michael walked toward the door, and opened it to see a man kneeling on the floor, looking very sick.

"Hiya Micah. How have you been?"

"Raguel?"

"Yup, care to help me up?"

Adam came running and helped Michael drag Raguel into the house setting him up on the couch.

"What happened to you?" Asked Adam as Raguel leaned on Michael's shoulder on the couch.

Raguel turned to Michael, and whispered,  
"I'm so tired Micah. I want her back, please tell me she's back."

Michael pursed his lips and slowly soothed him to sleep.

He looked at Adam and said grimly.

"Speak of this to no one, not even your brothers. If you really want me to trust you, please do as I say."

Michael interview: "I know it was wrong of me to say something I never intend on doing, but I needed Adam to keep his mouth shut while I figure how to save Raguel. My brothers are my main priority, not Adam."


	11. Michael Finally Asks For Help

(Title card. Theme music.)

The next morning Michael sat in the café, a now lukewarm coffee to his left and an unopened newspaper to his right. He looked out the window drumming his fingers on the table absentmindedly.

"You came." Said Michael not looking away from the window.

Samael sat down, a black coffee in one hand and a half finished crossword puzzle tucked under the other.

"You called." Samael replied, sipping his coffee as he watched him.

A thin smile appeared on Michael's mouth, before turning to Samael his face now grim.

"You wouldn't have come if you didn't find something urgent."

"Well you wouldn't have outright called me if it wasn't urgent either. So go first."

Michael sighed, he took a sip of his coffee. Placing it down, he got right to the point.

"Raguel turned up last night, he looked malnourished and broken. I need you to find Amitiel."

"What a coincidence. Lucifer is looking for her as well."

Michael's brow creased so Samael decided to elaborate.

"Lucifer was able to rope in the Winchesters to help him find Naamah by posing the disappearance as a case. Naturally the Winchesters jumped at the chance." 

Samael continued:

"So the question now is, do we stop them or watch them?"

"Why not help them?"

Samael resisted the urge to roll his eyes,

"Why would we do that, especially when they're trying to draw Her? Father won't come back Michael. Father will never come back and rule heaven."

Michael folded his hands on the table and smiled,

"I know, I want you and I to rule together. Being human has taught me a valuable lesson, though it may not be the one that Father is trying to instill — humanity is not governed by free-will or determinism, it does not rule by logic or pragmatism. Humanity is governed by emotions, they act only when it's in their emotional interest. Heaven might be able to manipulate them, but if we are to truly guide them as Father originally wanted we need to rule by emotion and empathy. Castiel was on the right path, Lucifer and you can help me finish it."

Samael blinked, shocked. He had not been expecting this. This was not the Michael he had known, this one was actually thinking for himself.

Samael decided to go the logical route instead of outright questioning his twin's sanity. 

"What does this have to do with Her?"

"If She comes then Father will have no choice but to face what he did. I respect Him, I still won't go against Him. But our brothers and sisters have suffered enough, it's time we healed them. 

When Father has to face what He has done, I'll be there to show Him we understand His lesson, that we'll govern better than we did before. I think Father was trying to show me that family is more important than anything else, more important than orders, and rules. Family saves you when you get blinded by your own folly."

Michael reached across the table, clasping Samael's hand. He squeezed it, giving Samael a regretful smile.

"You got blinded Sun, your love for Helel became your undoing. You fell to protect him, and I wasn't there to catch you, to offer you a hand. I know it might be too late now, but please little brother accept my hand now and save me."

Samael's hand closed around Michael's. Samael swallowed his emotions - most notedly shock and hope. He decided to instead play along. 

"And what am I saving you from?"

"From my ideals. From letting rules dictate my actions and not my own consciousness."

Samael smiled. 

"Well, in that vein, why aren't you reaching out to Gadreel?"

"Because he probably hates me, after all I put him in prison and never came back."

"Well you don't know if he hates you for that."

Michael looked at him pointedly, Samael chucked.

"Okay. You're right, he hates you—"

Michael deflates at the confirmation.

"Now before you lose hope, why don't you try to reconcile with him. I saw Raphael and Azazel were back together, Azazel even looked content."

"I can't. I can't let him in again, everyone I love I hurt. I can't hurt him again."

Michael felt a sense of déjà vu at repeating that same line again. Though now it sounded like an old diatribe, repeated so often it had lost its meaning and impact. 

Samael rolled his eyes at this.

"So you admit you're still in love with him?"

"Well, yes. But I don't see wha—"

"You love Star and I right?"

"Yes, of cour—"

"If you're willing to give Luce and I another chance knowing what could go wrong, don't you think you should extend the same courtesy to Gadreel?"

Michael's voice become small, scared.

"What if he doesn't want to another chance?"

"Trust me Michael, he does. He wouldn't be working with Lucifer solely for Naamah if he didn't holdout hope that he'll run into you at some point."

After so long Michael decided to stop seeing the negative. Stop seeing the million and one ways Samael's advice could go wrong. For the first time in a long time he decided to believe, to hope that everything would be alright in the end.

Samael squeezed Michael's hand and gave him a small reassuring smile in silent acknowledgment that he would try to adhere to Michael's request. For the first time in a long time Samael was content, dangerously close to being happy, and for once he didn't mind, he let himself bask in the warmth.


	12. Couples Retreat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been absent for a while! I momentarily lost inspiration, but it's back now so, hallelujah!!

Theme music; Title card.

The next day, at the couples getaway. Camera opened on Raphael and Azazel leaving their room, their hands intertwined. Azazel is trying to convince Raphael to get drunk with zephon and him tonight when Raphael's phone chimed.

Raphael and Azazel both stopped, while Raphael tried to pull his hand out of Azazel'a who held on tighter the more Raphael tried to pull away. Raphael rolled his eyes, as the phone chimed again, alerting him to the unopened message on his phone.

Raphael wretched his hand away, as he fished for his phone in his pocket. Zephon and Ithuriel came toward them as Raphael opened his phone to read the message. Zephon and Azazel gave each other a high five. Ithuriel rolled his eyes.

"Apparently Michael has called a family meeting for tonight." He looked up to see zephon and Ithuriel. He smiled at Ithuriel and rolled his eyes at their boyfriends antics.

Aza, I'll talk to you after."

Raphael kissed him on the cheek and was about to leave. 

"Wait your leaving now? Why?"

"Gabriel will need help setting up, and I rather be there instead of Lucifer who won't help, and drive Michael up the wall."

Raphael walked away, leaving them with a quick smile.

~!Commercial Break!~

Camera opened on the kitchen. Michael is leaning against the island, and rubbing his temples as Raphael tries to keep Gabriel from overdoing it on the decorations. Lucifer comes and pulls Michael into a hug, kissing him on the temple. 

Michael sighs, and relaxes at the touch.

"Michael? Are you home?" Calls a voice coming from the front of the house.

The person attached to the voice comes into the kitchen and stops, his shoppings bags fall onto the kitchen floor, with a bang. Michael cringes opening his eyes, and pulls away from Lucifer.

Gabriel and Raphael stop what their doing and watch, they don't recognize the man.

"Helel." The man hisses, his face contorts in disgust.

Michael sighs as Lucifer gets defensive.

"Do I know you brother?" 

"You destroyed my family. You and Michael twisted Father's words. Bringing Gabriel and Raphael as unwitting participants in your sacrilege."

"Ragi?" Whispered Raphael in shock. He ran and embraced him, as Lucifer glared and Gabriel smiled, twiddling a lollipop in his hand. 

Raguel pulls Raphael tighter into a hug. Gabriel comes and gives him a hug as well, with the added bonus of a lollipop which Raguel happily accepts. 

"What happened to you?"

Michael sighed again. 

"I asked him to come. We need all of us here if we are to be a family. A real one. So Lucifer Raguel work it out, and soon Father arrives in 3 days for Christmas. I would like us all to at least not at each other's throat by then." 

Michael gives Raphael and Gabriel another look as well, and is about to leave when Lucifer voices his unasked opinion.

"What about you? You're part of this family too, I want you here and sorting out our problems as well."

"Later Lucifer, I have things to take care of now. And besides your going to be discussing your issues with Raguel now, aren't you?"

Michael squared his shoulders and walked out of the house, closing it securely behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has any scenarios they want to see put it in the comments, I would love to do them.


End file.
